Rock Your Self-Image After Divorce

Do you have negative self-talk creeping in and affecting how you think about yourself? How can you develop a self-image that you are comfortable with, and is authentic? This is not a one-step process, and also integrates taking action.

Picture the end result. Rehearse your thinking. Pick a limiting belief about yourself that you know is holding you back from becoming “unstuck” or “out of pain”, after your divorce… and move with these five steps toward the direction of a stronger self-image.

All your thoughts, feelings, behaviors, and actions are consistent with your self-image, which means how you truly feel about yourself. How you see yourself is how you present yourself to the outside world.  Even if you picture yourself differently in your intellectual mind, unless you believe it in your emotional mind, you can only attract to you what you believe you deserve.

Rise up!

Gina, who recently got divorced, has an image of herself as overweight and unattractive. When she goes to social functions through her work, she finds herself standing alone with no one to talk to. Simply, she doesn’t attract people to her because of her negative picture of herself—her self-image.

What is that?

She presents herself exactly as she feels about herself. (We are what we think about.) Gina has a sad, tight expression, a closed stance, and an overly fretful, nervous tone to her voice. As a result, she sets herself up to ward off any people who she might attract to come and socialize with her. You might think that I am about to recommend and say, “Think positive thoughts about yourself.”

I am not. Why? Because if you continue to have a negative image of yourself or your situation, it is really impossible to see yourself in a positive light.

Fact: To create a new life you would love living after divorce, you need to cultivate a self-image that you are comfortable with. One that is acceptable and healthy.

What are the steps?

Firsy, decide upon a goal that you want to achieve to help you to create a new life you would love living. What would be an action step to begin with? Gina decides that she wants to lose weight to help boost her self-image. (It can be anything that you feel inadequate about or causes longing or discontent within you about yourself.)

Secondly, since you have built within you the motivation and drive to succeed in your goals, you have to trust that it is TRUTH. Believe in yourself. Believe that you can accomplish the goal regardless of all the past memories and associations that will come up to the contrary. As a matter of fact, they will come up. You will hear the voice in your head saying that you won’t be able to do this because…

Third, become aware of your thinking. When that negative voice comes up and tells you why you can’t, observe it. BECOME AWARE THAT IT IS THERE. Don’t get involved with it and say to yourself as usual, “Oh right, I tried this before and it didn’t work. I remember the time when I…”


Fourth, realize and accept that you will make mistakes and take missteps. It is just natural when to change anything that has been ingrained within. Gina accepts the fact that she will overeat sometimes and fall off the wagon. She decides that it is all part of the process. She admits that she messes up and gets right back on the wagon. The more she gets back on, the more powerful she becomes. The more she corrects herself and gets back on the diet, the more successes start to come into her life.

The beauty of this is that the more successes that she has, the fewer the failures come up in her memory, dragging her down.

Fifth, and this is a big one. Whatever goal you have for the future, you must come from that goal. What I mean is that you have to picture the end result. You need to picture what the end result is in detail and hold the picture in your mind. The more you hold the picture with your will, the more you will make the right decisions and choices that will help you to achieve the goal. Gina starts to picture what she wants to look like as an end result. She comes from the end instead of where she is.

Why is that?

When she comes from the end result, she starts to act as if she is already there. She comes from that perspective. Gina begins to carry herself as if she has lost weight. Think about it. If you act “As If,” you start to become “As If.” Before going to the next social gathering, she rehearses in her mind how she would like it to go. She pictures having good conversations and getting to know others. Gina visualizes actually enjoying herself.

Because of her new thinking”, she carries herself differently. As a result, she becomes open and has a welcoming smile on her face. Finding a new dress to wear to the occasion makes her feel good, too. Coming from the end result, she creates different actions which cause different results.

Your next step

Pick a limiting belief about yourself that you know is holding you back from becoming “unstuck” or “out of pain”, after your divorce.

Use these steps and begin to transform your self-image because it’s impossible to achieve more unless you think more of yourself. A good self-image is a key to taking control and power over yourself and your life.

Great article by Divorce Magazine.